Parshas Balak 5782: Resisting Complacency and Fighting the Narrative
Parshas Balak #1 5782-Resisting Complacency
Torah Psych101
Dr. Jonathan M. Lasson
This Parsha can be very disturbing if taken the wrong way. When we wake up in the morning we state one of the most famous prayers in the prayer of Ma Tovu-מה טובו. The author of this prayer is none other than the wicked Bilaam. Why would we say this prayer from such a wicked person and why have we not flat out rejected it and removed it from our Tefillos? This has been a troubling question for many people over the years.
I always thought that the answer was embedded in Hashem’s “advice” to Bilaam. You shall not go with them. You shall not invoke curse upon the people for they are blessed (1). Really we are solidifying, with our Tefilla of Ma Tovu, our affirmation that it is Hashem who is correct and not a Rasha like Bilaam. Aftern all, Hashem put the words in his mouth.
I still retain that idea but have since expounded on that notion with another psychological concept based on the question that comes from the end of the Bilaam story. After Bilaam fails to curse the Jews, he resorts to a more logical plan and that is to get the Jewish people to sin with immorality. Let’s tempt them with the oldest trick in the books. That seemed to work. The question is why didn’t Bilaam or even Balak come up with that idea to begin with? It certainly would have saved Balak lots of heartache? The reason is because based on history, Balak understood that Jews ordinarily don NOT fall for those licentiousness tricks. We are told that throughout the period of Jewish enslavement, not a single woman was unfaithful to her husband. This would imply that Jews don’t fall for these tricks. The question is why did they fall for it this time?
I believe the answer is partially based on the words of the Shemen HaTov and partially based on human psychology. The Shemen HaTov, authored by Rav Dov Weinberger, former Rav of the Young Israel of Williamsberg suggests that, as Chazal state---Bilaam was a man with a Tzor Ayin-a mean spirited type of guy. He had hatred in his heart and hated the Jews as much or perhaps more so than Balak. This is perhaps why he, and not Balak came up with the idea of seducing the Jews into promiscuity. Rav Weinberger elaborates on a fundamental principle in human behavior. The complacency effect. This basically states that when we are complacent or happy with where we are in life we are more tempted by the traps that will be placed in front of us. This complacency was exacerbated by the blessing Bilaam gave the Jews with the Ma Tovu blessing. By saying that you people are amazing because of your modesty, that blessing made the Jews complacent. It made them feel like “we are really good. We are doing everything right. No need for more growth. We are already at the top of our game.” This is where many people fail in life.
Human nature tells us that when we feel like we have mastered something, we stop trying because our minds play tricks on us. The psychological trick is when we say, “Okay. We are done but this is boring. Let’s put some excitement in our lives.” We see this happen when athletes reach a milestone in their careers or when actors and actresses have made it to the top of their acting career or when musicians achieve a platinum label for their artistry. We have seen this over and over and over in life. Complacency breeds bad things.
Judaism promotes growth, not stagnation and complacency. When we finish a Masechta, we keep going. When we finish reading the Torah, we go back and read it again. We don’t become complacent. The mistake of the Jews was listening to the Bracha of Bilaam with half an ear. They heard how ‘goodly our tents are’ but they missed the implicit message of Bilaam which was, you guys are good so you can relax your super high standards. When Bilaam realized he could not curse the Jews, the hate in his heart remained so he offered that piece of advice to Balak. It worked because the Jews fell for the ‘complacency effect syndrome’.
Rashi alludes to this idea by saying that in response to Billam’s so called blessing “We do not want your honey or your sting” Those who did not fall for Bilaam’s trick most likely rejected the Bracha for its implicit intent of complacency but they had to say the blessing because Hashem obviously authored that blessing with good intent. Hashem wanted us to continue the momentum and continue our good work in fighting complacency.
As former Duke University Coach Don Meyer once said “complacency is the forerunner of mediocrity. You can never work too hard on attitudes effort and technique.”
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(1) Bamidbar 22:12
Parshas Balak #2 5782-Don’t Change the Narrative!
Torah Psych101
Dr. Jonathan M. Lasson
In an effort to promote accuracy, we are always encouraged to quote verbatim the instructions given by our predecessors. In fact, this is what we learn from Queen Esther in the Purim story who quoted Uncle Mordechai when relaying what was going to happen to King Achashveirosh. So no matter the occasion, state everything in the proper wording, quoting the proper author and using the proper context.
Perhaps nowhere in the Torah does this ring true than in Parshas Balak. Bilaam clearly does not transmit the entire message to Balak when he says “Hashem refuses to let me go with you.” (1). What he leaves out is the part that the Jews are blessed as a people so don’t bother messing with them. They are blessed. Why do people give partial messages? Most people have a narrative they are trying to perpetuate. You cannot perpetuate that narrative if you give the full unedited version. Bilaam’s narrative is and always was “I hate the Jewish people!” This is why he left out the most important part of Hashem’s message.
Throughout history, people try to find voices to substantiate a narrative that appeals to them. Recent debates and politics in general certainly prove this point. This is what we call in psychology the Confirmation Bias.
We as Torah Jews are implored to state the whole message as opposed to what we want to convey and what we want to hear in response. This is basic psychology 101 but an important lesson for us all.
When we have a question to present to our Rav and we only present part of the story, the Rav can only respond to the part of the question he heard. But a competent Rav would want to hear the entire story especially of there are multiple parties involved.
I was once counseling a couple who were having some marital friction. They were not screaming at each other or outwardly fighting. In fact, they were both very reserved individuals. When the wife initially came to me, she presented her side of the story in a very level-headed manner. Her main issue was that she did not feel like her husband was excited about her ambitions of becoming an artist. The husband who did in fact adore his wife was equally level- headed and felt that his wife was not communicating with him in the most effective manner. Again, there were no major fights, screaming or abuse. It’s just they did not communicate their messages effectively. In all fairness they both did not have the greatest marital role models. Their parents were also not the best communicators. They simply were following suit.
What eventually helped this particular couple was getting them to admit what they were not so great at---Communication. From that point on they were able to say this is an area that we can improve. In fact, the couple became a very loving and attentive couple by simply unlearning and relearning a more effective way of communicating their desires. The husband became his wife’s biggest cheerleader and his wife in turn, learned more about the positive qualities of her husband and promoted them with love. Not all marriage cases have happy endings but this one did because inherently there were no major personality flaws in either spouse. It was a lesson in learned helplessness that turned into learned hopefulness.
When people are haughty, it is usually due to low self-esteem. Bilaam was haughty and could only communicate the part of the message from Hashem that fit into his narrative. He had low self-esteem.
I have also see this phenomenon play out in students I have taught on the college level. Those students who tended to excel socially were those who were self-content and communicated full unedited versions of a message. To test this, I challenged my students to communicate a message to their parents before returning to college after a Thanksgiving break. I had them write down the message which had to be completely positive. They were then to go home and communicate the message of thanks to their parents without editing the message. When they returned after their Thanksgiving break they were to read over their written message they had written prior to leaving for their break and indicate to me if any of the message was left out. Then they completed a self-esteem rating scale. Those who did not deviate from the original message scored highest on the self-esteem rating scale while the opposite was true for those who edited or deviated from their original positive message.
This was incredibly eye opening. Due to life circumstances, people change what they intend to say. So if for example when Michael returned home for Thanksgiving and immediately got into a fight with his parents his message to them will change.
The message from our Parsha that we see from Bilaam of all people is not to deviate from the message. Communicate the whole truth and nothing but the truth so God can help you.
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(1) Bamidbar 22:13