Parshas Ki Sisa: Torah Psych101 5782: Everyone is Invited to the Party!

Parshas Ki Sisa-5782: Everyone is Invited to the Party!

Torah Psych101

Dr. Jonathan M. Lasson

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Imagine the following scenario. You are on a vacation, and you are looking for a minyan. You have nine guys, and you just need one more. In walks someone who looks a bit disheveled and maybe a little bit, socially off. But he is carrying a siddur and seems, by all intents and purposes, to be Jewish. The man smells a little, but he is Jewish, and you are delighted to have a minyan.

Now imagine an entirely different scenario. You are in your regular shul. The shul is packed. In walks that same guy. He doesn’t smell so good and looks, a bit, socially off. You look at him with a look that says, “get this guy out of here.” You’re even tempted to go over to him to ask him to leave. But it’s that same guy!!! That same guy you welcomed with open arms to your minyan on your vacation. This is not a social psychology experiment, but it could happen anywhere. Why are we excited to have him when we only have the nine but not when the shul is packed with Jews?

I share these scenarios because it is important to invite everybody, regardless of their status. That is what makes a Jewish community. We regard everyone as a Jew and they all count.

In our Parsha, there is something fascinating that happens. We are introduced to a couple of items that were not mentioned in Parshas Teruma, where perhaps, should have been mentioned. One is a foul-smelling incense called galbanum or חלבנה. The Gemara (1) tells us something amazing about this malodorous spice. We count the transgressors along with the Mitzvah-doers. Right before we say Kol Nidrei, in the short Tefilla (1) of בישיבה של מעלה we grant permission to daven with the “Avaryanim”-the transgressors…

-אנו מתירין להתפלל עם העברינים.

This is part of the incense package.

Secondly, we have the “Laver” or copper basin that was originally in the form of mirrors used by the women. These were used to beautify themselves for their husbands which helped preserve the continuity of the Jewish people. They are accepted with love by Hashem and even thought to be most precious of all the contributions. 

What is the meaning of these late entries in our Parsha, when they should have been discussed earlier? Also, what is the reason for the granting permission to daven with the transgressors? Is that supposed to be something special?

Rav Yochanan Zweig Shlita, says that this is what a community is all about. The Jews are forming as a people. Some people are going to look and act different. Women, who are not required to do all the Mitzvos also stand out from what men can do.

Consistent with what we do on Pesach, where we include the wicked son in the four sons, and the four species on Sukkos have a not-so-great individual represented, we have to include everyone, regardless of how they smell, literally and figuratively. Why should seemingly ‘bad’ people be included? This may be a difficult concept to understand, but we as Am Yisroel know that Hashem gives people chances to attain Teshuva and we, mortal humans, who should be emulating Hashem, should give people chances to do Teshuva.

Interestingly, in the Daf that we will be learning this week (2), the Gemara discusses sins that a person cannot rectify. It is not a prescription to give card blanche for us to run rampant with our inclinations but for the most part, sins are forgivable. As a therapist, I have seen many people change their ways and go from transgressing to leading lives that are rule abiding and enriched. People who have committed terrible acts who want to change are capable of changing. I have witnessed in my community alone, how boys who struggled with addictions and self and other destructive behaviors, completely turn their lives and become Torah observant Jews. It is primarily because we did not kick them out of society but we have treated them with love. These late entries of the Laver and the foul smelling spice are introduced at this juncture to teach us that we accept our fellow Jew regardless of who they are and what they may have done in the past. They are certainly welcome to join the party.

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(1)    Prayer before Kol Nidrei

(2)    Talmud Bavli Kerisus 6B

(3)    Talmud Bavli Chagiga 9b