Parshas Baha'alosecha- Relationship> Rebuke

As parents, we are our children’s primary educators. We cannot shirk duty and assume someone else is responsible for our children’s development and maturation. Others can certainly support us in our mission, but we are the most fundamental and impactful teachers to our kids. This Parsha exhibits one of the most necessary principles to succeed in this sacred duty.

The pesukim discuss the korban pesach that the Jews sacrificed in the second year following the Exodus. “... in the second year... in the first month... and the Jews should perform the pesach... (9:1-2).” This event was in Nissan, the first month of the Jewish calendar. Sefer Bamidbar began with the census of the Jewish populous. The counting of the people occurred in Iyyar, the second month of the same year. It emerges that the events are not listed in chronological order.

Rashi (9:1) explains that “ain mukdam umi’uchar ba’Torah.” The Torah is not a story book, and events are therefore not necessarily recorded in the order of how they happened. Every time this concept is applied, it is important to understand the idea behind the order the Torah sets forth. Rashi clarifies that Sefer Bamidbar did not begin with the korban pesach, because it highlighted the negativity of the Jewish people. During the entire forty-year sojourn, they only sacrificed one pesach-offering. Thus, this implied deficiency was written out of order, to attempt to hide their disgrace.

Regardless of placement, this lacking bleeds through. If so why does the Torah write these events non-chronologically? What does this ultimately accomplish?

A similar idea is presented in regards to the six remembrances. There are six events and items that the Torah places an emphasis on remembering. They are: leaving Egypt, receiving the Torah, the Shabbos, the attack of Amalek, the golden calf, and the gossip of Miriam. Magen Avraham (O”C 60:2) explains that the first three are recalled when we celebrate Shabbos and Yomtov. The attack of Amalek is read in shul on the Shabbos prior to Purim. However, the last two items, namely the golden calf and the gossip of Miriam, have no established time of remembrance. These recall the shame of the Jewish people. Thus, they are not mentioned like the other four. 

These two negative events are written clearly in the Torah and are key parts of our history. What were Chazal accomplishing by not establishing a remembrance for these two items?

In Parshas Vayeishev, Yosef’s brothers sold him to Arab merchants. The verse (37:25) highlights the wares that they were carrying at the time, as pleasant smelling spices. Rashi explains that ordinarily, these merchants traded in foul-smelling items. In order to prevent Yosef from being damaged by such wares, Hashems caused this group to have pleasant-smelling ones. This is the reward of the righteous.

In context, this idea is extremely difficult to understand. Yosef was torn away from his homeland, family, and every conceivable familiarity. He was sold as a lowly servant to Arabs. How does the aroma of the merchandise act as a comfort for Yosef HaTzaddik?

The sefer V’shalal Lo Yechsar (Rav Avraham Yisrael Rosenthal, quoting Rav Chaim Shmulevitz) explains this difficulty. It is true, Yosef was in an awful situation. However, despite the lowliness of his predicament, Hashem wanted him to know that He was still with him. In order to reassure Yosef, He orchestrated this abnormally positive occurrence. It was a reminder that He was the One Watching and Controlling, and who would ultimately save him from this trouble. Even though Yosef needed to experience this terrible suffering, it was done with the love of Hashem.

The stories of the eigel and Miriam are well-known and documented. However, unlike the other four items, they are not recounted in an overt manner. Although these two incidences were considered sins, we wish to minimize the fault. Chazal understood that in not exclaiming these two items, the rebuke becomes tinged with love. In specifically excluding them from the norm, they were delivering the negativity associated with these events, in an affectionate way.

Similarly, the Torah would prefer to write events out of order, in order to show Hashem’s love for the Jewish people. The disgrace associated with the korban pesach is not written overtly, as an introduction to the Sefer. Hashem rebukes us in the loving manner of our dear and caring Father.

Rebuke and reproach is only effective when delivered in a loving manner. If the focus is more on the message that is being conveyed, and less on the improvement of the recipient through genuine care, it is entirely unproductive. In fact, this can result in adverse effects. This is crucial for parents. Often, it seems appropriate to hammer home a message or idea. However, in doing so, the connection and love with the child is placed in a state of jeopardy. One needs to exercise extreme caution in such situations. Any such words need to be conveyed in a loving spirit.

A tremendous yasher koach to Rabbi Avraham Bukspan for the content of this week’s write-up. Additionally, to Rabbi Shimon Russel for the inspiration.

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