Parshas Chayei Sarah- A Kind of Kindness

Following akeidas Yitzchak, Avraham decides it is now necessary to find a wife for his beloved son. He appoints his trusty servant Eliezer as his messenger. He directs him to travel to his home, Charan, and find a wife for Yitzchak. She should be from his own family. Ever the valued servant, Eliezer sets off on his way and arrives in Charan. He makes a pact with Hashem. The girl who will offer to give Eliezer and the camels to drink will be the appropriate wife for Yitzchak Avinu. Rashi comments that this will indicate her gemilus chassadim, and therefore her fittingness to enter the house of Avraham (24:14). Rivka emerges and fits the bill. The pasuk (according to Rashi) tells us that Eliezer was astounded that his conditions were being met, but was still uncertain if she was from the family of Avraham (24:21). The following verse states that the camels finish drinking and Eliezer proceeds to give Rivka jewelry. He then asks her who her father is. Many Rishonim (Ramban, Rashbam) understand that he asked first and then gave the ornaments. However, this is not the approach of Rashi. Rashi (24:23) notes that he was so confident that in the merit of Avraham he would succeed, that he gave the jewelry and only then asked about her background. She responds that she is the daughter of Besuel, and therefore from the family of Avraham.

It is difficult to understand this condition and its indication. Many people would happily offer to assist those who are thirsting for water. How did Rivka’s behavior demonstrate that she was worthy of marrying Yitzchak? Furthermore, initially (v. 21) Eliezer seems to be unsure if she is from the family of Avraham. The next verse indicates that he is confident that she is from his family. What changed?

Rivka directs Eliezer and his men to her family’s house, and they are treated with great care. The camels are fed, and the men wash up. Food is placed in front of the men, but Eliezer declines to eat until telling over the entire story of the events leading up to that moment. Eliezer switches the order of the previously recorded events. He states that he first asked Rivka about her background, and then gave her the jewelry (24:47). Rashi states that if he would have repeated the events in the appropriate order, they would have questioned how he could have given the gifts without knowing who she was. Thus, he reversed the order to avoid this issue.

Eliezer was confident that she was from the family of Avraham. Why couldn’t he simply explain this to her family? Why was it necessary to change the order of happenings?

The Gemara (Yevamos 79a) teaches that there are three basic character traits that are fundamental to every Jew. These distinguish Jews from the other nations. Jewish people are merciful, shameful, and gomlei chassadim, perform acts of kindness. Each of these are derived from verses. In regards to the last trait, the Gemara quotes the verse in which Hashem notes the greatness of Avraham: “Because I know that Avraham will command his children and household…and they will guard the ways of Hashem, to perform righteousness and justice…” (18:19). It is not readily apparent how this verse indicates that Jews are gomlei chassadim. The Maharsha explains that the concept of following in the ways of Hashem is to be like Him. Hashem clothes the naked, visits the sick, etc. We are to act in these ways of kindness as well. Thus, the verse is an indication of gemilus chassadim being a staple of Jewish people.

Hashem is the ultimate Meitiv, Giver of Good. The entire creation of mankind was to give man the ultimate good. It was in no part to benefit Himself. The gemilus chassadim that is essential to being Jewish is this type of kindness. Doing good for others without any personal interest or gain. This is the trait we inherited from our forefathers.

The Gemara (Rosh Hashana 4a) explains that King Darius allowed the Jews to return to Eretz Yisrael and assisted with the building of the second Beis Hamikdash. Nonetheless, this was considered an act of sin as it was with selfish motivation. He wanted the Jews to pray for his success. The Gemara challenges this assertion with a Beraissa that indicates that despite doing a mitzvah with personal interest in mind, one is still regarded as a complete tzaddik. It answers that there is a distinction between a Jew and a non-Jew. Rashi explains that Jewish people will not become upset with Hashem if the personal interest they had is not fulfilled. They will instead attribute it to their own sins. Non- Jews will become upset at Hashem if they do not receive what they think they are deserving.

Essentially, every Jew is altruistic. Deep down, under all of the personal desires and interests, a Jew wants to do the right thing. This translates into an acceptance of not receiving the end result that one may have thought he would when performing the good deed. Non- Jews are driven by personal gain. They will not accept the outcome if it does not benefit them as they expected.

This is a trait we inherited from our holy Fathers and Mothers. Avraham spent his entire life assisting others without the thought of how it would benefit himself. The epitome of gemilus chassadim is the kindness one does to help others, without personal gain.

When Eliezer approached Charan he was looking for a girl with this sort of kindness. Many people perform kind deeds. Only a worthy descendant from the family of Avraham would epitomize this type of selfless chessed. The Seforno (24:22) explains that as the camels finished drinking, Eliezer waited to see if Rivka would request something in return for the assistance. She did not. She acted purely out of the desire to benefit others. She had no personal interest in mind. With this Eliezer knew she was certainly from the family of Avraham. However, when recounting the events, he was unable to explain this to her family. They would not appreciate this level of chessed. They were completely self-absorbed. They only had their personal interests in mind. Thus, Eliezer reversed the order of events.

A holy Jew taught me an important lesson this week. He appreciated something that I had done. He called my wife to voice this approval. In doing so he made us feel wonderful. This was a covert operation, without anyone knowing. He did this simply to make other Jews feel good. We have many opportunities to display our disapproval of others. We often do this, without thinking twice. However, it would be more productive to utilize the good that others do to help motivate them further. In doing so we reflect Hashem as gomlei chassadim.

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