Parshas Haazinu: CHANGE IS GOOD!

Parshas Haazinu-CHANGE IS GOOD!

Torah Psych101

Dr. Jonathan M. Lasson

Change is good! Where have we heard those words before aside from THE LION KING? Maybe our parents. Maybe our teachers. Maybe a therapist?

Most of us are creatures of habit, author of this is included. We all know that change is a good thing and we see what it does for us. For many, we see it most in a change of scenery. We go on that great vacation and it’s amazing. We change jobs and think the new job is awesome. We move to a different city and assume everything will be better. I don’t think there are many people who make changes thinking or hoping that things will get worse. So why are we afraid to make changes that are less dramatic and subtler? After all, therapists will tell us that if we just do a couple of small things like forgive someone else or forgive ourselves, our lives will change for the better. But how often do we listen to that therapist? And why pay someone 150 dollars to tell us what we already know.

The answer is we look for instant gratification that can only be achieved (seemingly) by a dramatic external shift. Internal shifts require much more work and an admission that we have something within ourselves that needs to be tweaked

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The Torah says

זכר ימות עולם בינו שנות דר-ודר. שאל אביך ויגדך זקניך ויאמרו לך

“Remember the days of old and consider the years (Shenos) of each generation” (1)

We are constantly being told to remember יציאת מצרים, מתן תורה and other great times in Jewish history. Why not forget about the past? Would a good therapist keep bringing up events that happened so long ago? “Let’s re-traumatize you! It will be good for you.” This approach has backfired for many. Instead, let’s fill people’s minds with positive memories and the outcome will be much better. However, our פרשה tells us to continue remembering the past. Not only that, but the language appears repetitive. How is ‘consider the years’ and ‘remember the years’ any different?

רש"י tells us that the term ‘remember’ is a general scolding of sorts to בני ישראל to remember what happened to those who came before us who angered Hashem. He then says to ‘consider’ which was more specific of the generation of ענוש and the flood that occurred as a result of the generational sins. So in a sense we need to hear the general scolding as well as remembering how the past has influenced us personally.

Rav Frand (2) quotes the Menachem Tzion who says that the word שנות (the term used for ‘years’) can also mean changes. The Torah is therefore telling us to look at history and the changes that have taken place throughout history. If we cannot learn from changes and from those who have made changes that improved the quality of their lives, how else are we supposed to learn that change is in fact-GOOD!!!

It’s always amazing to me when clients of mine, hesitate to make slight changes in their behavior, so that past negative history will not repeat itself. But it shouldn’t amaze me because I do the same thing. It’s just easier to see it when you are on my side of the couch. Plus, I am more self-aware as a result.

When I wrote my first book in 2017, I told over 20 stories. 20 stories which everyone can take a lesson from. Admittedly, I rarely re-read any of my original tales from that book. However, I am constantly getting comments from readers that a particular story resonated with them. This was my intent and continues to be my intent for my next book which will G-d willing come out in a few months. When something resonates and we put it into practice, it has makes a huge difference which is very gratifying.

Case in point. Last night I was asked to daven (Ne’ilah) נעילה. This is not something I usually do but agreed somewhat reluctantly because I am often tired towards the end of Yom Kippur and am not a really good faster. However, prior to Ne’ilah, the Rav gave a talk about finding the inner strength that we all have and to use it at the time we need. It was just what I needed to help me get through Ne’ilah-perhaps the most powerful Tefilla of the year.

Parshas Haazinu is telling us to ask our father and he will tell you, ask our grandfather and he will say it to you. We should talk to our ancestors and others and learn from the past. Let us all find the inner strength by learning from the past and by learning from the personal stories of others. This will enable us to make those changes that will impact our lives and those of generations to come. 

Have an amazing Shabbos!!!

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(1)    Devarim- 32:7

(2)    Seen on Aish.com