Parshas Mikeitz/Chanukah 5782: Moving past the Guilt Trap

Parshas Miketz/ Shabbos Chanukah 5782: Moving on From the Guilt Trap

Torah Psych101

Dr. Jonathan M. Lasson

How many of us can truly say that we have never harbored a grudge or sought revenge against someone who hurt us? Throughout the course of a lifetime, we all experience times where we feel hurt or wronged by others. There are certain people who I would say are Tzaddikim that are able to subvert their feelings of anger towards someone who wronged them and forgive them with a מחילה גמורה but they are a rare breed.

Coming off last week’s podcast, I believe that there is a consistent psychological theme going on in פרשת מקץ. It is the theme of guilt. The brothers sold Yosef, throw him into a pit. It would seem like an appropriate time to feel guilty. Yet, we only see in this week’s Parsha that the guilt comes out when you have the dialogue about who should stay and remain a slave to avoid having Binyamin serving as the slave to this vindictive viceroy (1).

Last week we discussed the idea of admitting your guilt right away and the therapeutic benefits of immediacy. It really does help. With Yosef’s brothers it took many years to make a somewhat public statement about the guilt they feel. What is happening and why isn’t their admission or wrongdoing immediately after the sale or the pit incident? Did the brothers not have a conscience? We could say that the brothers were very conflicted perhaps with the exception of Yehuda. Yehuda, as we discussed last week knew how to admit his guilt immediately and perhaps this is why he was the one to step in as the plot thickened.

But what about Yosef? Yosef is known as יוסף הצדיק. I mentioned before that only Tzaddikim are able to forgive with a true מחילה. Yosef had every right to bear a grudge but yet he puts his brothers and father through the גהינם of guilt. What kind of Tzaddik would do this?

I am not sure exactly who I heard this from, but I saw it hinted to in the work of the אור החיים הקדוש. We know that in order to achieve true Teshuva, you have to be placed in the same situation where you committed the sin and act differently-essentially doing the right thing. This is what we are taught every Elul as Bachurim. Yosef understood this idea and wanted his brothers to truly shvitz it out by putting them in the same position. How did he accomplish this?

Yosef knew that he was Yaakov’s favorite son. He got a beautiful coat from his father. The brothers knew that their father was grieving over the loss of that favorite son and that they bore full responsibility for their father’s grief. Yet now there is clearly another favorite son in Yosef’s place. That is Binyomin. He is the only other child from Rochel Imeinu. So Yosef planned it all out and gave preferential treatment to Binyomin by giving him five times the amount of his brothers (2). Let’s see how the brothers respond now! Now that the brothers did not show any jealousy for the special treatment that Binyomin was being given, Yosef saw that they had truly repented from their ways. They did not act with jealousy anymore after being placed in the same predicament as with Yosef many years ago. They learnt their lesson. They learned this lesson from a Tzaddik and that was their brother-Yosef Hatzaddik.

As much as this is a plausible explanation, I was bothered by the number five. We see that Yosef gives five times the amount of food during the meal and later on in פרשת ויגש, Yosef again sends Binyomin off with more changes of clothing than his brothers. How many changes of clothing? Five! What is with the number five?

The Gemara in Megilla (4) tells us that there is a significance to the number five. Rav tells us that through a נבואה, Yosef knew that in the future there will be a descendant from Binyomin who will appear before a king with five articles of clothing (5). That descendant is none other than Mordechai-Mordechai Hatzaddik.

In life we have the opportunity to strive for greatness. As I was staring into the flames of my Menorah, I kept reflecting on the idea of how the flames go straight up. We are all living flames and we can all strive to become Tzaddikim like Yosef and Mordechai. Just keep rising when the situation presents itself.

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(1)   Bereishis 42:21

(2)   Bereishis 43:34

(3)   Bereishis 45:22

(4)   Maseches Megilla 16b

(5)   Esther 8:15