Parshas Vayigash: With Mixed Emotions
Parshas Vayigash 5782: It Is With Mixed Emotions…
Torah Psych101
Dr. Jonathan M. Lasson
“It is with mixed emotions.” When do people usually start a speech with these words? A google search reveals that these words are commonly said when someone is about to resign from a position. I would also think that moving from one place to another would elicit mixed emotions. Regardless, these words are usually stated when there is a transition. To be more specific, the person making this speech probably had some good times before he or she resigned and is looking forward to better days to come. So that person will miss what went well in the past but also look forward to something exciting in the future.
In our Parsha, which some would argue is the most dramatic Parsha in the Torah because of Yosef’s great reveal, we see many emotions. Yosef restrained himself from emoting until Yehuda’s impassioned plea on behalf of the family. Yosef wanted, more than anything else to be together with his family and be able to see his father before his death. It came time that he could no longer hold back. Yehuda uses the words “my father” and “our father” at least 14 times directly and other times indirectly before Yosef loses it. I believe that Yosef was deeply moved by Yehuda’s speech but even moreso, just hearing the word father.
Yosef’s cry that was heard throughout the country was predictable. However, the reactions of the brothers were not necessarily predictable. Yosef had the advantage of preparing for this day as he knew exactly whom he was dealing with, whereas the brothers did not know Yosef’s true identity. Yosef, who was not the most adept at gauging emotions first says after the great reveal, “Don’t be sad.” Then he says, “Don’t be angry.” Not necessarily what a psychologist would say but this was Yosef. Was Yosef such totally out of it or was there something else going on? Also, shouldn’t the emotional state of the brothers be one of guilt? Guilt would encompass sadness and anger towards oneself! Why does he use the emotions of sadness and anger?
I believe that something else is going on here and it might be related to the Sugyos of אגדתא in תענית that we have been learning this week (1). Many of the Gemaros discuss the need for rain and when תפילות for rain are typically answered. The גמרא tells over many incidents where a great Rav was asked to intercede on behalf of the people and pray for rain. When prayers didn’t work, something else needed to happen. There had to be a sense of חלישת הדעת that causes a sense of desperation. When people are in desperate situations, their true colors show, and they cry out to Hashem. We see this time and time again throughout the third Perek which is often referred to as פרקא חסידא-The Chapter of Chessed. I believe that this is the name given for the Perek as we see time and time again, how Hashem kindly responds to our pleas only when we realize that he is the master therapist who can bring us salvation.
What Yosef may have been trying to do was to ensure that the brothers still understood who the true mover and shaker was. It was not their younger brother turned viceroy. It was none other than Hashem. That is why he had to break them down and make them feel guilty. But he had already achieved the goal of making them feel guilty as it said earlier (2) אבל אשמים אנחנו. Once a person feels a sense of guilt, they can move onto more manageable emotions such as sadness and anger. True חלישת הדעת comes when there is such a flood of emotions that you feel like you might drown in that flood. That is when you begin to recognize that Hashem is the one who wants you to call out to him.
The brothers were now going through a major transition. They were in essence resigning. Yosef, was trying to address all of the emotions that all of his brothers might be experiencing. They already dealt with the guilt but now they were resigning themselves to move on to a new chapter in their lives and their relationship with Yosef. So now Yosef says “Don’t be sad and Don’t be angry.” They were sad for the lost time they had caused between themselves and Yosef and with Yosef and his father. They were angry with themselves for what they had done.
There were many mixed emotions going on. Yosef put his brothers through this emotional turmoil so they could get to a point where they can only cry out to Hashem and realize that Hashem orchestrated these events for their salvation.
This is a hard pill to swallow for us in life. There are many events that cause us to feel negative emotions such as shame, guilt, anger or sadness. When we have all these emotions, Hashem wants us to call out to him as he is the master therapist.
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(1) Taanis 25-26 and others throughout the third Perek
(2) Bereishis 42:21